


Pandora's Box

by Jojo28



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath of Torture, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Avengers Compound, Avengers Family, Avengers Movie Night, Avengers Tower, BAMF Peter Parker, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Brainwashed Peter Parker, Brainwashing, Brutal Murder, Bullying, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Death Threats, Delirium, Depression, Disembowelment, Disturbing Themes, Domestic Avengers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Experimentation, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Flashbacks, Good Peter, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Gwen Stacy (sort of), Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Heroes to Villains, Hospitalization, Human Experimentation, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Pre-Planned Peter's Life, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Insanity, Insecurity, Insomnia, Kid Peter Parker, Kidnapped Peter Parker, Kidnapping, Loss of Faith, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Major Character Undeath, Medbay, Medical Experimentation, Medical Trauma, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, Mentioned Ben Parker, Mentions of Suicide, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Mindfuck, Minor Character Death, Mr. Delmar - Freeform, Multi, Murder, Mystery, NSFW, Near Death Experiences, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, On the Run, Pain, Painful Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark Friendship, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker has PTSD, Peter Parker has the Venom Symbiote, Peter Parker is a Mess, Physical Abuse, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Presumed Dead, Protective Avengers, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Wanda Maximoff, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychotic break, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Resurrection, Revenge, Scars, Secret Identity, Secret Past, Secret Relationship, Sensory Overload, Sex While Brainwashed, Shock, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Super Soldier Serum, Survivor Guilt, Teen Peter Parker, Terrorism, Threats, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Torture, Tranquilizers, Underage Rape/Non-con, Unethical Experimentation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Violent Sex, Violent Thoughts, hearing loss, institutionalization, not light reading, very dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:42:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojo28/pseuds/Jojo28
Summary: It all started with the stupid game.~~~"Who has the darkest Backstory?" Clint clears up. I nearly choke on my coffee."Not funny Clint. He’s exaggerating.” Natasha swats his arm."That sounds awful why would you play a game like that?" I reasonably respond. Clint opens his mouth to speak when Mr. Stark jumps in."Because we're bored, and quite honestly Pepper suggested it for like team-building exercises or whatever in light of everything that's happened. It's supposed to be a therapeutic or something like that, but I don't question what the lady wants... She's always right you know." He chuckles, then takes a breath."So... You wanna play kid?"~~~That question messed me up, because I know who wins that argument.If only I had known then, that was far from worst of it.WARNING: This is an extremely dark piece of work which is just constantly hurting Peter Parker over and over in many ways. It get's very violent and graphic and I missed some tags, so caution NSFW.This is basically retelling stories that canonically happened to Peter with a dark twist, plus new stories I made up for more trauma, as well as my interpretation of Peter Parker's future.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Original Female Character(s), Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Venom Symbiote, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 108
Kudos: 1278





	1. You Lifted the Lid and Let a Little Out

**Author's Note:**

> LAST WARNING: Very Dark and Violent themes, I may not have covered everything in tags so proceed with caution.

It's almost sad to say, I truly haven't felt this happy in a long time. Looking back, the past hasn't been very kind to me, but what else should I have expected? Rotten Parker luck. But I'm here today, and I'm happy and attentive, so it's all fine, right? Even if it isn't, they wouldn't ever suspect otherwise so I guess I'm in the clear. No one would expect any sixteen-year-old kid to be as fucked up as me. It's the perfect cover. _I mean it's been a whole two months since I-_

No.

I stopped myself, this train of thought wasn't healthy and I knew it. Why ruin a perfectly normal day?

_Because I always do._

Stop. Peter. Stop.

Not today.

I walk down the very plain, clean hallway toward the elevator. Mr. Stark always keeps this place so clean but I'm still not very sure how, he must have some ninja maids who keep themselves always hidden in the shadows or something, considering I never see anyone cleaning. He could probably afford them. Or maybe he just has a Vision. I doubt Vision would subject himself to such menial work as cleaning hallways of the living quarters in a state-of-art modern style training facility, however. Granted, it mustn't be hard to clean something so barren. That's why I was never a fan of this modern style. Very cold, and unwelcoming. Clear plain white walls and tile or plain wood floors with exposed metal accents and such never did it for me. I needed the comfort of my Queens apartment. It looked lived in, and felt like home. There were knitted blankets on the backs of worn in couches, pictures of the family on the walls, my Lego sets littering every open space. But I guess a group of assassins and soldiers probably find any home better than however they lived before. Plus, it's practical and serves its purpose so I guess I really shouldn't complain.

I pass by Vision's room, and pause. There is definitely a female voice in there... Not going to intrude on that. Or maybe I am, because my feet already stop outside and my intrigue pushes my ear to the door. There's always something powerful about being able to hear though a completely soundproof room. Super hearing, what fun. I can barely make out Wanda's voice, but Vision's is clear as day.

"Don't worry about me Wanda. I get the nightmares very often, It's the curse of being a supercomputer powered by electricity of a god."

Wanda says something along the lines of Vis never having nightmares like this before.

"Well, yes I guess they are never this bad. But I assure you I'm fine." He comforts. This time I hear her loud and clear.

"But are we okay, Vis? The avengers? Everyone?" Wanda sounds almost... desperate.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you knew something bad was coming when the whole Civil War thing happened and that something truly awful was coming when Thanos showed up so I- I- I just- want to make sure."

"You have nothing to worry about love. You'll be fine. I do have a bad feeling about one of them. I’m not quite sure how, but there's a dark presence nearby. Very close in fact. I feel this black cloud hanging over our head's, but I don't think that we are the ones in trouble." I hear footsteps. And that's my cue.

I continue my original path to the elevator not daring to turn around. I step in and debate which button to push, but ultimately choose the basement level. I press the button. Breakfast can wait, science never sleeps. When I turn around to face out the door before it closes, I see Wanda and Vision slowly meander out their room. I pretend to not have heard the earlier private conversation and wave them good morning like any other weekend. They waved back, but with very obvious suspicious eyes. Unfortunately the damn super hearing strikes again. I’m really starting to wish it had an off switch. I keep the smile on my face as the doors close.

"I saw they way you looked at him, that dark cloud? You sensed it just now, didn't you?"

"I"m afraid yes."

"I think we should have a talk with Tony."

_This can't be good._

F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice welcomes me when I reach the lab, asking for the usual security protocols. Only a very special few are allowed in Mr. Stark's personal lab. To my surprise, he isn't down here. Mr. Stark always ends up falling asleep during a project when I come to work on suit upgrades or weapons and such with him and Dr. Banner. I slowly trudge over to my station where I was tinkering with my web shooters the previous night. This whole arrangement still strikes me as as bizarre. Aunt May of all people letting me spend weekends with the Avengers for training and lab time with Mr. Stark. She was terrified when she first found out that I was Spider-Man, but more angry than anything else. I'm not ashamed to admit I may have cried a little. I knew it came from a place of love though, especially when she mentioned Uncle Ben. I still remember that conversation as clear as day.

"I can't lose you Peter. I already lost Ben, and I'm not ready to be in a world without you either, so just- Be. Careful." My gut wrenched. There were tears streaming down her face. I hadn't seen her like that in months.

"Wait seriously?" I inquired.

"You're stubborn, just like Ben. Just like your parents, too. You're heroes, all of you, I can see that." She sat me down on the couch. "But I'm not stupid Peter. I know there's- there's no changing your mind once it's made up. Especially when you know you can help people. Which is a scary thing... but good. I think." She chuckled, and I cracked a smile. She wiped the tears from her eyes, as some began to well up in mine. "So just- be careful." I grabbed her hands.

"I will May. Always. You won't lose me like you lost Ben, I swear."

_Ben, huh?_

Stop Peter we talked about this.

_Didn’t you kill-_

STOP!

_Don’t make promises you can’t keep Parker..._

My internal monologue is a bitch today. The right hand web shooter fell from my hands, which i wasn't even aware I was holding. I looked at the clock.

7:36.

I dropped my face to my hands. Too early for today to be so shitty already.

~~~

I picked up a web shooter to inspect it before it literally slipped from my fingers a second time. My brain isn't functioning, and at some point during my exchange this morning, I must have started feeling sick, because the nausea hit me like a tsunami out of nowhere. So pretty much, I’m in no condition to be working on this right now. It's been almost twenty minutes since I came down to be “very productive," and I knew nothing would get done so I figured I might as well go try to find Mr. Stark. And maybe grab a cup of coffee.

I hop back in the elevator and push the button for the ground level, where most of the facility is. Across the hallway from the elevator is the giant living room and kitchen. Down to the right is the training room, weapons closet and things such as that. To the right is the lobby, and the conference room. It's where Mr. Stark wanted to bring me into the Avenger family, and be interviewed by all those reporters. I wish I took his offer then. Maybe things would have ended up differently for me, but I think I knew deep down it was all inevitable. And with trying to glean anything from Vision's cryptic words, it only seems like it gets a lot worse for me.

_You deserve it._

Not again.

_You deserved everything that’s happened._

Coffee. I need coffee.

When I step out of the elevator, my spidey senses tingle, and for the third time today my super hearing has come in handy and it's only 8 AM. The avengers are standing in the open kitchen/living room very clearly talking about me. I press against the other side of doorway way so they don’t see me, my hands against the wall. 

"I mean, how much do you even know about the kid, Stark?" Sam says.

"So what? You're going to trust Wanda's suspicions because her robot boyfriend had a psychic premonition? Uncool."

"Stop trying to make jokes about this Tony, they're just concerned, which is very justifiable considering he's some kid from queens who used to spend his free time dumpster diving. As much as I love the kid, we know nothing about him." Wow. I guess even Captain America can be a cold-hearted killer. I know I don't want to listen anymore, but I need to know what they're saying.

"Oh great so he's a street urchin."

"Wanda! That is uncalled for." Vision chastises. “You once volunteered to be a murderer for H.Y.D.R.A. after being orphaned. You're in no place to judge someone's actions based on their class.”

”I didn- That’s besides the point. And you didn't have to bring that up!”

Rhodey interjected, "Guys, stop the lovers quarrel. We gotta deal with this kid."

"I don't believe this! You’ve all been doting on him for months! All of a sudden the Tin Man has a bad dream and the kid’s a villain! He was only looking for good tech, that people threw away because he liked to build computers. So maybe I don't know everything about him, but I do know he's a good, smart kid."

"I don’t think they’re saying he’s a villain Tony. Speaking of, considering you barely know him, was it smart to give him access to your lab when pretty much none of us even have access? You and me are the only others here that enter on their own." There was a pause. They all truly thought about what Bruce said. _I'm trustworthy, right? Tony wouldn’t have given me clearance otherwise, right?_

"Maybe he lied to you, Tony." Proposes Bucky. My throat started closing from the bile rising to my mouth. Where's all this coming from?

"Oh like you did?" I can practically hear their heartbeats racing. "I- I'm sorry I didn't mean that Bucky, I know it wasn't your fault. I'm just very defensive about him. Choosing him was one of the few things in this world I didn't mess up, and I know it. Look the kid's got demons, I know that for a fact. But he's not a criminal or a villain. The demons made him a stronger hero."

”But are we not gonna question that whole sketchy story about Dr. Strange giving him permission to fix the timeline to bring the two of you back? I thought that guy was all Gung-Ho about keeping the timeline intact or some shit. Isn’t that weird to anyone else?” Clint directed toward Tony and Nat. It was strange I’ll give you that, but after our...argument...I think he felt guilty for lying to me. So when the opportunity arose to fix everything without drastically changing the timeline he jumped on it, and sent me to do it.

"Exactly. It's these kinds of secrets that put us into such a bad situation when Thanos destroyed everything though. We broke up, we hated each other, and it's clear there's still some tension, so let's fix it. And how many of these 'demons' do you know of, anyway?" Natasha said. Tony stays quiet, "So we'll investigate the kid in the process... deal?" Leave it to Nat to be the most rational. There are murmurs of agreement from everyone, and a clear sounding, "Sounds wonderful!" from Thor. Why is he always so enthusiastic? Doesn’t he get what going on right now?

"Any ideas, then?" Bruce asks

I didn't think Mr. Stark would also be on board with this, so when he says he has an idea, I feel a rush of nervousness. There's no one on my side for this.

_Of course not. You don't deserve to have anyone defending you._

Wow the anxiety is bad today. Okay, okay, count back from ten.

 _Ten..._ I feel the floor under my feet.

 _Nine..._ I feel the smooth texture of the wall on my hand.

 _Eight..._ I see a blue sky out the big window at the end of the hallway.

 _Seven..._ I hear Mr. Stark's voice in the other room explaining his game.

 _Six..._ There's a low humming of the refrigerator and running water coming from the kitchen half of the living room.

 _Five..._ I smell bacon and eggs wafting throughout the hall. _How did I not notice it before?_

_Four..._

_Three..._

_Two..._

I'm starting to rethink coffee. I want to walk away, but me not showing up at all is out of character and they'd suspect I'm on to them. So I suck it up. I'm no fucking wimp.

After composing myself, I stumble in, truly still half asleep and in desperate need of caffeine. This is going to be so awkward. I pop a quick "Morning!" to everyone. The entire room full of avengers was staring directly at me. How wonderful. The television was turned on to the local news in front of the couches on the left of the door way. I walk to the right toward the kitchen. I see the normal morning spread of a mountain of muffins, enough meat to be half of an entire cow, and enough eggs to sustain a small farm. I mean, us super-powered individuals need multiple times the number of calories than a normal person would with the extreme metabolism. I debate grabbing a muffin just to make myself seem less suspicious than I apparently already do, but I'm still too nauseous for that so I head over to the coffee machine. I put a K-Cup in and choose the ten ounce setting, waiting for the water to warm up, I quickly grab a mug from the cabinet. I should've done that first. God, I'm stupid. I could've just spilled coffee everywhere. Get your shit together come on. They're gonna notice you acting weird.

Once it's finished brewing, I add a bit of milk and sugar. I hear a couple of them whispering how they felt bad about this, but of course they don’t remember I can hear them. I turn to see they're all _still staring at me_. The awkward eye contact has been going on long enough, so I guess I'll break the silence.

_You break everyth-_

Shut. Up.

"So what were you guys talking about? And why are you all dressed already? It's only like 8:30." I chuckle as I take a sip. _Still looking._ Sam has side bar with Bucky, “ _I really don’t think this is a good idea..._ ”

"Uh guys? You're all acting weird..." I walk over the couches where they're all sitting. I feel that this isn’t the smartest place for me to be, but I can't stand them judging me like that anymore, so I’ll play their stupid games. I sat on the corner ottoman. "Mr. Stark, what time did you go to bed, last night? I half expected to see you passed out over your work station when I went down this morning." I chuckled. Something like that would've normally made them laugh, but they all shared looks.

_Considering you barely know him, was it smart to give him access to your lab?_

"You-you were down in my lab? Why?"

"I left my web shooters there last night, I never finished fixing them. And I still haven't increased the capacity for the web fluid." And there's another exchange of looks. Does Mr. Stark not trust me now either?   
  
_Of course he doesn’t._

Son of a bitch. I'm sick of this. 

"Okay what is going on with you guys?! You're all acting so weird. What were you discussing before I came upstairs?"

Vision finally answers my questions. "We were talking about a little ice-breaker to learn about each other better, a game if you will." There it is. "We feel like after all this time we don’t know each other well enough.”

"Okay I'm down," Nope. Not at all. "How do you play? Is there a way to win" I take another sip of my coffee.

Natasha starts "Well it's-"

"Who has the darkest Backstory?" Clint clears up. I nearly choke on my coffee. He laughs.

"Not funny Clint. He’s exaggerating." Natasha swats his arm.

"That sounds awful why would you play a game like that?" I reasonably respond. Clint opens his mouth to speak when Mr. Stark jumps in.

"Because we're bored, and quite honestly Pepper suggested it for like team-building exercises or whatever in light of everything that's happened. It's supposed to be a therapeutic or something like that, but I don't question what the lady wants... She's always right you know." He chuckles, then takes a breath. 

"So... You wanna play kid?" 

"Uh sure?" 

"So I guess I'll go first." Mr. Stark said.


	2. Should’ve Kept the Box Closed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game ensues, with an unfavorable outcome. 
> 
> I didn’t proofread this yet but I’m anxious to get out another chapter so it will be edited later, sorry oops.

"So I guess I'll go first." Mr. Stark said.

I couldn’t look him in the eye. Was I really going to subject myself to this? Was I really that concerned with clearing my name? I guess so.

I turned my attention toward the television on in the background behind Mr. Stark. Honestly watching the boring news sounds a million times better than this shit. I finally decided I should pay attention to him. If Mr. Stark is really going to just lay it all out for this stupid game, he deserves my attention. Especially when I know he’s doing this to make me feel better when they start grilling me. I’m not an idiot. After a moment of deliberation to find the right words to say, he opened his mouth to begin.

“I guess I’ll start from the beginning. As you may know, some more than others, my father was not the most... fatherly.” He chuckled. “He was cold and distant and I always felt like I had something to prove to the guy, you know? He was a genius and I mean he created _fricken Captain America_. I mean, how am I supposed to live up to that?” This resulted in most of the avengers laughing along with him. He now looked at Bucky. "And I want you to know that I dont blame you anymore, truly. Alright?" Bucky nodded and Mr. Stark continued, "But when I lost my parents it was still one of the hardest things for me, even though at the time I thought I hated them. I would come to learn from the  _Great Nick Fury himself_ ...” he emphasized to bring humor back once again, “that my father had so much faith that I could become something better than he was. And the more I learned, the less hatred I felt.” There was a pause, for him to choose his next words carefully. “But being completely honest life hasn’t been easy. I mean I got kidnapped by terrorists, kept alive with magnets, had to face and fight people I thought were family, face the consequences of the old Stark Industries _too_ often, and _god_ I almost lost Pepper...” No one interrupted once. They’ve never been this quiet. I don’t like this. I’ve never seen them so solemn. _God_ this is serious. I want out. I want out. I want out.

_ Do you really want them going on thinking you’re a villain? _

God, no.

_ Then face this like a man before you ruin anything else. _

“The worst was New York City.” This brought my attention back to Mr. Stark. He told me a little about this but I honestly don’t remember much. “Bringing the Nuke into the black hole, staring- and I mean  _really staring_ \- into the face of death for the first time... I didn’t understand how much worse the world was going to get. I wasn’t ready, no one was. And I think even now that half the world had been wiped to oblivion-and had already come back- knowing what I know now I still don’t think I’d be ready. So the PTSD kicked in, and almost destroyed my relationship.” God this is rough, why am I here? Why are they doing this? “I truly don’t think I have the worst backstory, so I guess I don’t win,” at this point I forgot this was the “goal” of the “game,” and I think everyone else had, too, “but I certainly don’t have the happiest. Considering all of this though, I’m happy. For the first time in a while. I have Pepper, I have Morgan, and I’m alive. I could ask for nothing more.” Everyone was dumbfounded. Mr. Stark was never one to take things so seriously. He’s really going all out for this game. I hate it. “So whose next?”

Bruce raised his hand, “I don’t have much to say so I guess I’ll go.” He shrugged. “The floor is yours, Jolly Green Giant.” Bruce glared at Mr. Stark. “Really all I have is the green guy, plus I guess, add my dad to the list of horrible dads. But, I was working on an experimental bomb, it accidentally went off, and in an effort to save my project partner who was in the blast zone, I pushed him out of the way. I got exposed to the gamma radiation from it, and they next thing I knew I woke up naked in my lab, which was now completely destroyed, with only a vague memory of what happened. I had a girl at the time an-“ 

“Woah woah woah, You had a girlfriend?” Clint interjected.

“Yeah. What is that so-?” 

“I just can’t imagine Ol’ Brucie getting some.”

“Oh my fucking god Tony.” Bruce shook his head and hid his face.

“Watch your language, both of you, there’s a kid in the room.” Which cane from none other than Cap himself.

“Steve he’s a seventeen year old and goes to high school I bet he says worse on a daily basis, calm down.” Natasha said. I laughed. It feels good to laugh.

“ANYWAY... can I continue?” They all reaffirmed. 

“Perfect, thanks. So yeah I had a girlfriend at the time. Once I finally realized what happened after watching the security tapes of the lab, I knew the government would be interested. I had to leave everything behind, including her. And... if we’re really trying to get serious here, some of you already know this. There were a few moments where being on the run like that was so tiring and I... just wanted to give up. I didn’t like being the Hulk. I didn’t like what it did to me. I tried to end my life... I put a gun in my mouth, but the Hulk spit out the bullet.” Oh my-  _Oh my GOD_. I’d been silent up until this point but when no one else had a response for this, I felt the need to say something.

“Dr. Banner, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” I said. I wanted to tell him I understood, and that I- but I stopped myself.

“Don’t worry yourself kid. That was when I homeless on the streets, and didn’t have anyone to care about. Things are different, and I’m okay. The avengers gave me a goal and a family.” I turned my head to the news again, not knowing what to say. No one else has been paying attention to the TV I think but it seems like they’re talking about releasing someone from the local prison.

“Well, kid... do you maybe want to take a turn?” Mr. Stark asked. This was it. I could lay it all bare for them to see or lie my ass off. Both seem like bad options. How did I get stuck in this mess?

“I mean sure.. ye-yeah I could go.” I started fumbling with my hands. Way to make yourself seem less suspicious dumb ass.

“I don’t really have much to say I guess... I don’t know.”

_ That’s a lie. And you know it. _

Please not right now.

_ Oh, come on. Just look down at the scars on your- _

Two months. It’s been two months. This has to stop. I swallowed the dry spit in my mouth in hopes to regain my voice.

“My- my parents died in a plane crash when I was five. I barely remember them so I guess it really never bothered me too much. I went to go live with my aunt and uncle after that. Eventually, my uncle passed away too. He was attacked by a mugger.” They were all on the edge of their seats. This is what they wanted.

_ Stop lying to yourself. You’re fucked up kid don’t pretend that’s it. You know you’ve been through so much worse that that. Show them. Show them the used up garbage you are. _

“I-I don’t know. U-umm.” I was at a loss for words. I turned my attention to the television once again, I had no idea what else to do.

_ I mean there’s all the bullying, Justin... ooh don’t forget Mysterio that was a fun one. Then there’s Vulture, and well, two months ago. Your second party ever, oh and best of all- _

**Skip Westcott-**

The sound of the newscasters voice crackled. No. This isn’t possible. My eyes went wide.

“Hey, kid are you alright?” I assumed it was Mr. Stark who asked, but I couldn’t focus on anything else right now. My hands gripped the edge to the black couch. My heart leaped into my throat, suffocating me. This isn’t happening.

** -seventeen at the time of his arrest. He was charged with child abuse, molestation, and rape of a minor. The families of the two young girls who came forward have been alerted of his release.  **

If they don’t know about me, God knows how many other kids fell victim. I started scratching at my arm through my shirt.

_ You feel it don’t you? _

I could hear the avengers talking but I couldn’t listen.

_You feel his hands. Grasping on your wrists. Right where two months ago you decided to-_

** He’s currently being released early on parole for good behavior, and is required to attend weekly therapy sessions with his parole officer. As it came up in his trial, we believe there may be more victims that had decided to not come forward. Being only a minor himself during the times of assault these young girls, who were both charges under his care as a babysitter at the time of assault, he was not tried as an adult and the courts lessened the sentence. He will be admitted back into public life tomorrow at noon... **

I didn’t realize until now I had spilled my coffee all over the floor. I wondered how long I’ve been dazed. I quickly tried to compose myself, still ignoring the questions of whether I’m okay or not. Of course I’m not. 

“I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean t- I just- I can’t-“

Breathe, Parker, breathe.

“I can’t do this I’m sorry. I thought this would be easier but I- I can’t I’m sorry.” I rushed out of the room and stopped once in the hallway, leaning my back against the wall I had listened through when I got myself into this mess. Don’t cry. Don’t cry damn it.

“Someone grab some paper towels.”

“I’m gonna talk to him.”

“No, Stark, let me.” 

I heard familiar heels click towards the doorway. I didn’t want to face whoever it was, but I also didn’t have the energy or the mind to make my body move so I guess we’re doing this.

“Are you alright, Peter.” I couldn’t see the face of who was speaking through the tears that were blurring my vision, but I’d notice the black garb, white/orange hair, and soothing voice anywhere. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Yeah I’m fine, Ms. Romanov.”

“Christ, kid how many times have I told you you can call me Nat. You don’t have to be so formal with all of us.” Her tone of voice was so different from everyone’s accusatory sounds before.

“What happened in there?” She asked.

“I don’t like that game.” I chuckled under my breath. She cracked a small smile. I sound like a child and I hate it.

“Why?” She said still smiling.

“Because I know I’d win...” her smile dropped, as she understood what I was trying to say. 

“Did something happen, Peter?”

“A lot of things actually, pick your poison.” My voice was shaking, I knew it was.

“Then why did you play the game if you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

I spoke before thinking about the implications of my spying on them. “I- I wanted you all to trust me, I didn’t like thinking that you were all afraid I was a villain or something.” Her eyes went wide with fear.

“How did you-“

“Next time you want to talk about someone your suspicious of, maybe take into account that they might have enhanced hearing and don’t discuss it in an open room.” She looked guilty. At this point I knew the tears I was holding back we’re gonna fall so I hoped she would look away. She didn’t.

“Plus... you all argue very loudly.” I finally looked away from her, I wish I never made eye contact in the first place.

“Peter I’m so-“

“I’m going back to bed, Ms. Romanov. I’m really _sorry_ for whatever I did to make you not trust me.” Nat was silent. I didn’t mean to make her upset, but I really was sorry for whatever I did. With that, I walked to the elevator to head for my room. 

The whole way up was a blur, like I was on autopilot. I came back to my body when I had my hand on the doorknob. I started sobbing. I quickly rushed into my room and slammed the door behind me, scared of embarrassing myself anymore today. My hands were shaking as I reached for my phone in my pocket.

_ One text from Aunt May _

I slumped over to my bed and collapsed. She must’ve watched the news. She asked about him.

~~~

_ Oh my god, we’re so stupid. _

I ran back into the room after that encounter with Peter.

I heard random mumblings of Sam being angry that he was left to clean up the coffee, and Thor asking if this was normal teenage behavior.

“Guys we fucked up so bad.” All eyes turned to me. The coffee was staining the rug.

“What are you talking about Nat?” Bruce spoke up.

“Peter heard our conversation before hand, he _knew_ what we were doing!”

They all looked shocked.

“Shit.” Steve said, they all turned a side eye toward him. Tony was clearly about to chastise him for his language. “Don’t fucking say it Stark, now it’s not the time.” Realizing he was right, Tony shut up.

“So he could’ve put all that on as an act to get out of it.” Sam said.

“What’s your grudge with this kid, Man?” Rhodey asked.

“Well for one I’m cleaning up his damn coffee, second I don’t. I just know that he’s smart and teenagers are manipulative and scary.”

“We can’t rule that out yet, I mean vision’s dream-“ said Wanda.

“Oh yeah, let’s base everything we do after a dream from the sexbot from Ai.” Tony interrupted.

“I’m confused, what is meant by a sexbot?” Thor asked.

“Don’t worry about it. Listen I’m just saying we don’t know what the dream meant, and after that reaction I think we got it all wrong.”

“You’re blinded by how much you care for him, if he’s a danger then we-“ Wanda was cut off by Tony.

“Then we help him. Because that’s what we do. That’s what we did for you didn’t we? And I’m sorry but I thought we all cared about him. The happy-go-lucky genius whose biggest flaw is is low confidence, _after his huge heart of course_. I mean seriously, one bad dream and we’re vilifying a fucking teenager.”

“Tony’s got a point. Vis, did your dream explicitly show that Peter was going to ‘go bad’ or whatever it is we’re looking for?” I finally spoke up.

“Not at all. It could mean that, but truly all I know was that it was Peter surrounded in a cloud of darkness. Why? Do you have a theory Natasha?”

“Look, being the spy that I was, I got very good at reading people. Clint can vouch.” He nodded in agreement. “When I spoke to the kid just now, there’s was something in his eyes I’d never seen.” Sam cocked an eyebrow. I’m assuming he expected me to say “pure evil” or something, like that. Quite the asshole today isn’t he?

“Complete terror. I’ve never seen anyone so afraid before except when...everyone started fading away from Thanos’s snap.” Tony looked shocked, he knows that look, from Peter specifically. He’d seen it first hand when Peter had clutched onto him for dear life, he talked about it afterwards, maybe two years into the five of everyone being dead. “He looked at me as if I was his last lifeline. Even worse he seemed absolutely _heartbroken_ that we didn’t trust him. He fucking apologized to me for doing absolutely nothing. He told me he subjected himself to the game knowing he couldn’t handle it because he wanted us to trust him, but he started panicking because he said he knew he would win who had the darkest backstory. We got it wrong. Whatever this is, Peter isn’t the bad guy.” Everyone was hanging onto every word I said. “I think he’s the victim.”  
  


~~~

Two months down the drain. I tried  so hard.  But you know what they say. Progress isn’t linear. It’s two steps forward one step back, right? Of course my steps backward are pretty big. Aunt May would kill me if she found out. Some days are just a little too hard. God I fucking hate this. Why am I so stupid? Why is this what I resort to?

_ Because you know you deserve to suffer. _

For once I agree. 

The fear is too much. I feel his hands on my arms.

_FUCK_ make it go away. Make it go away.

He won’t let me go.

I’m glad F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t have access to my room. She would’ve alerted them by now. I cleaned up and watched the pink water run clear through the sink. I wrapped up my arms in bandages. They’ll heal quick. I’ll do better next time. 

I checked my phone again. 11:00 AM. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Ned had texted me as well. Either M ay had talked to him or he heard the news himself because he also decided to talk to me about Skip. My favorite topic, of course I’d love to talk about him.

I texted them both a simple, 

_I’m fine._


	3. The First Evils Shoved Into the Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has his breakdown, and just like whenever he gets this bad, he has time to think and reflect on every single traumatic moment in his life. It’s only 11:00 am. He’s got the time. Or maybe that isn't even enough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna start some of the flashbacks of every traumatic situation Peter has experienced up to the point of chapters 1 and 2. They will be done chronologically, and only a few at a time, sprinkled between the main timeline. These may end up being shorter chapters because of that, and also angstier if it's just flashbacks of the shit he's been through. So buckle up, it gets rough real quick. This covers his parent's death and much of the bullying he endured. Also figured I should start doing trigger warnings.
> 
> TW: Death of parents, bullying, suggestions and mentions of suicide, mentions of sexual acts, panic attacks

I don't remember much about my parents death. I was only maybe... 6 years old? They're like strangers to me, yet I can't help but feel like the more time goes by the more I miss them. It's like feeling a longing for someone you've never even met. I mean, I know nothing about them, other than that they were business people always getting shipped off somewhere to... I don't know, sell something? See, their entire existences are foreign to me. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when i think about them.

I keep an old picture of them in my wallet. I've kept it on me ever since I got scared that I would forget what they would look like. I remember walking sullenly toward my aunt and uncle on the couch when I was 9. It was clear I had been crying, but didn't want to talk about it. I continued to watch the T.V. with them until I finally opened my mouth, and a few words escaped in the most meek voice I'd ever had.

"What if I forget what they look like?"

"Who are you talking about baby?" Aunt May asked.

"Mom and Dad." I thought I had said something wrong because they both started to tear up, as I was only a child and couldn't quite understand grief yet. Maybe that's why I miss them more now? I can actually comprehend complex emotion. I was about to apologize when Uncle Ben dug a little deeper.

"Now, what made you think that, son?" You'd think him calling me son would be weird, but honestly he was the closest thing I ever had to a father, and I liked the term of endearment. 

"We had a thing in school today. Describing our parents in an essay to practice writing. I tried really hard but I couldn't remember and it made me sad."

"Was something distracting you?"

"No. I-I kept seeing something else."

"Then what were you picturing instead sweetheart?" Questioned May.

"I kept picturing you." I heard a sob come from May as she clasped her hands over her mouth. And this was the only- well first of two or three times I had ever seen Uncle Ben really cry. May's arms wrapped around me the tightest she ever had in my life, and she is notorious for strong, tight hugs.

Ben began taking out his wallet from his back pocket, and wiped a tear before he spoke. 

"I keep this picture if your parents on their wedding day in my wallet always. It reminds me of when they were happiest. I know you miss them, son. We do too. But we will always be here for you. And we are proud that you could think of us that way." He pulled out a folded crinkled piece of paper, "Take this, Peter. So you never forget what they look like again." I unfolded it, and looked at their smiling faces with tears of joy. They looked so happy. I miss them.

It didn't exactly work. I can look at the photo, and know that it's them, and I can remember how they look in the picture. But I'm well aware that they no longer exist in my own mind, my own memories. Aunt May and Uncle Ben felt so bad that they decided to take me to the Stark expo coming up in a month. Mr. Stark saved my life there. I don't think I ever told him. I never thought of bringing it up to him now that we are... friends I guess. Can I even call us that anymore after today? Did "friends" really ever apply to any of the Avengers? Are they just stuck with me? Doesn't matter, Mr. Stark doesn't really need to know. He doesn't need to know that I was terrified of flying on a plane with Happy either, or why. Any of it. 

Because my world started ending with a crashing plane.

That was the first of many rough nights in my life. I was in the guest room of my aunt and uncle's apartment, which essentially was my second bedroom for when my parents went out on trips. I never worried before because I had no reason to. They pick my back up in a few days, then drop me back off about a month later to go off again. Like clockwork. Except the clock stopped ticking, and I was about to hear the eerie silence that comes after a clock runs out.

I played with my newest Star Wars Lego kit when I heard a knock at the door. I popped my head out the door to listen in. My Uncle answered the door to see two cops standing there, looking very solemnly. The male cop was a little short but managed to radiate a strength I could never hope to. The woman stood with sunken shoulders and her red hair framing her face in a stark contrast to the blue uniform. I never saw their faces, but I remember this night more than the visage of my own parents.

”Is this the residence of Benjamin and May Parker?” The man spoke. They woman never looked up from her feet, nor did she say a work this whole interaction. My aunt stood from the couch to join her husband at the door. 

She replied. “Yes. Is there a problem officer?” 

“We are to understand that you two are the emergency contacts of Richard and Mary Parker, as well as being in the current care of their son, correct?” Uh oh.

”Uhhh yes. Is something wrong?” Ben asked.

”You may want to sit down.” May gestures for the officers to enter and they sat at the kitchen table.

”As you may likely know, Richard and Mary were on a passenger flight heading to Europe yesterday. We have received the message that the plane went down after an engine burst.” May began to cry. Ben sat stoically. “We have come to learn that there were no survivors. We are very sorry for your loss.” 

I knew of the concept of death then, but I obviously hadn’t fully grasped what it meant. I slowly left my room and walked toward the table, making sure not to make any loud noises.

”May? Ben? What happened?” The woman cop had buried her head in her hands. She never cried, but looked distraught the entire visit. 

”Oh honey...” May rushed to hug me. “Oh baby I’m so sorry. Mommy and Daddy aren’t coming home.” 

“Wh-” I was about to ask what they meant when the male cop began again.

”We are once again very sorry, and offer our condolences. As of right now, you’ve become the primary caregivers of the boy. We’ll leave you to discuss what happens next. If you need anyone to speak to during this time, we have many resources at your disposal. Apologies for dropping such news as this on such a fine evening. We hope everything works out for you.”

They got up to leave and May immediately left to the living room and sat on the couch. 

Ben put a hand on my shoulder, and a tear dropped, but I could tell even then he was holding back from fully crying.

”Come sit with us on the couch, buddy. We need to talk.” He left too. But the cops still held my interest. I sulked over to the door, still perplexed at the news I was just given, not fully understanding, and listened to the cops through the door.

”That was awful.” The woman spoke. I remember thinking that I liked her voice, very calming. “Why did you bring me with you? This was nothing like what I signed up for. That poor kid...”

“Hey this is part of the job, too. Keeping the truth safe. Plus, it sure beats your alternative, doesn’t it?”

”You really have to stop holding the whole ‘We saved you from a life of crime and violence’ over my head.” He laughed.

”Come on newbie. We gotta get back to the boss and let him know that the secret’s safe.” He said.

”Oh come on. Don’t pretend you aren’t heartbroken by this. You looked up to them, and they were your friends. Even you have to feel something at some point.”

”You’re right... I’ll feel something when I die. Now come on.” He said sarcastically. It only made things more confusing. What secrets? How did they know my parents?”

”Peter! Please come here. We need to have a discussion.” I walked into the living room and faced the inevitable.

~~~

My early school years weren't all that glamorous either. Kids can be cruel you know? You'd think some things would be off limits when making fun of someone, but I guess growing up in the age of technology and cyber bullying made it easier for the apathetic assholes to say whatever they want with virtually no repercussions. The first time I was ever picked on was kindergarten, just the basic getting pushed around and name calling that happened to almost everyone at some point, so I guess I didn't think much of it. 

It's also well-known that kids are brutally honest, and don't have filters so that didn't exactly work in my favor. I think second grade was the first time it ever got really bad. That when the mean kids learned that all they had to do was bring up my parents and they'd get whatever reaction they were looking for out of me. My teacher at the time was a sweet lady, Mrs. Rowan. She had been super comforting and accommodating after learning about my whole situation. Mrs. Rowan decorated her room with bright colors, animals, and cartoon characters that we all liked. She even had some fun bean bag chairs and other things that served as "rewards". She had let me use them anytime I wanted, and was very lenient on my work in school, especially when she started to see I was a little too advanced for it. Every kid brought in treats on birthdays too, but once I told her how sad I was to have a summer birthday because I never got that experience, and she brought cupcakes for me one random day in November. Unfortunately, the other kids noticed the special treatment soon enough, and I immediately wished she'd just treated me like normal, as much as I appreciated the thought.

And believe it or not, but at this time Flash was the farthest from being the big problem in my life. He only really began to pick on me in middle school. 

"Hey Parker! Get over here!" I knew what was going to happen, but I had also learned it's better to just comply. A kid named Brady, who was the big bully at that time usually chose me as his victim. "Get that ball for me." He pointed to a spot on the fence surrounding the playground.

"B-but it's outside the fence. I'll get in trouble." He grabbed my shirt and pushed me to the ground in the direction of the ball.

"Wow, it's sounds like you don't listen well. Are you that rude to your parents? Oh wait..." I felt every muscle in my body tense up, and my eyes teared up. Every damn time.

He picked me up by the back of my shirt. "Now go get that ball."

I almost fell from the top of the fence climbing over. I grabbed the ball and threw it over. As I climbed back to the top I felt a harsh smack of rubber to face and a loss of balance. Brady threw the ball at me to knock me back down. A recess monitor blew her whistle when she saw me over the fence and came to yell at me. I got grounded for a week.

~~~

I got into more physical altercations than I'd ever told May. Well, I guess it's not exactly an altercation if you don't fight back. Honestly it was almost a daily occurrence of getting pushed into lockers or screamed at or something, but I was probably beat up once or twice a month.

The worst was probably in sixth grade when Brady and his little gang kicked the shit out of me so bad after school one day. He told me to meet him outside behind the school after I had "looked at him too long." The gray walls and the blacktop basketball court never looked as bleak and hopeless as they did. They sky was half cloudy and the air felt heavy for a multitude of reasons. I remember him grabbed my shirt and punching me in the gut and i doubled over. His next punch landed on my face and broke my glasses. By now I was on the ground, and they all kept kicking at me. Brady and his friend Michael threw me into the dumpster. It all happened so fast I didn't have time to think and I definitely hadn't prepared myself for what would come next. I don't know if it's bad parenting or exposure to awful things at such a young age that's to blame for what Brady said next.

"Why don't you do everyone a favor and take out the trash Parker, kill yourself." I froze. What did he just say to me? I was lost in thought for what felt like hours until Ned found me, but in actuality was probably only a few minutes. My mind was racing. How could you say something like that to someone else? Why did he not realize he crossed a line? And the most disturbing thought I had, Did he know? There's no way. Ned helped me climb out, and I slumped to the ground, leaning against the dumpster. I told Ned after we sat there in silence for a while. I think he knew something really bad happened for me to be in the state I was. 

"Peter we should tell someone. That's really bad." He sat down next to me and put a comforting had on my shoulder. I really gotta tell Ned how much I appreciate him.

"I-I know. Just give me a minute..." I paused for a while, before I asked the question that had been burning my mind since Brady gave me the idea. I started thinking back to... _him._

"Ned?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I did?"

"What?"

"What if I did? What Brady said?"

"Peter you can't be serious right n-"

"That was stupid, just forget it. I didn't really mean it."

"What if you did Peter? That's what you want to know? I'd lose my best and only friend, your Aunt and Uncle would be devastated."

I teared up, and dropped my head to hide my face after nodding in agreement. I knew all that already.

"But that doesn't matter," I looked at Ned in confusion, "because if all you care about is them or me, you're never gonna give a shit about yourself. So you wanna know what would happen Peter? The universe would lose the smartest, coolest, most caring guy ever, who I'm positive will change the world one day. I don't think the world could handle a loss that great." I didn't know what else to do in that moment but pull him into a hug. I SERIOUSLY need to remind Ned how much I appreciate him.

Ned took me to the principal and we reported the incident. Brady was suspended for a month, but other than that, got off scott-free.

"Kill yourself." He said. How ironic.

~~~

"Hey Penis! How's your uncle doing?" Asshole. Seriously. This was maybe the worst Flash had ever been toward me, and I remember this day clearly.

"Don't look now Peter, it's a douche bag who doesn't get enough attention from his parents who think they can buy his love." MJ said. Holy shit. Flash stood frozen. Ever since she sort of became closer friends to me and Ned after the Vulture situation, Flash has sort of backed off. And I've seriously enjoyed her sitting at our lunch table for whenever he shows up. I think she may be the only person he's afraid of. Hell I'm afraid of her half the time. The other half? Well-

"Whatever emo. My business is with Penis. How's your _internship_?" He said with clear sarcasm. 

"Going pretty well actually, but I guess that doesn't concern you, considering Stark Industries turned your application down. How's your little man-crush on Spiderman? You probably would've met him if you were qualified enough for an internship." Ned and MJ chuckled, especially Ned knowing the irony in Flash's favorite superhero. I should've known better than to antagonize him, especially because I almost never do. I could see he was fuming. Oops.

"Alright Penis, assuming that this internship is even real which I highly doubt, hot the hell did you get it? I kept thinking, son of a bitch is too poor because he had to go and be a burden on his aunt and uncle." At this point some the surrounding people in the cafeteria had quieted down and began listening on. More and more people their attention away from their pizza bagels or chicken sandwiches and friends until the whole cafeteria was listening. "And I mean your uncle was just _dying_ to get away from you," I cringed. "So the only possible explanation is that your finally putting your ugly mouth to good use. So tell me Penis, how many dicks did you have to suck to get that internship at-"

"FLASH THOMPSON!" Mr. Harrington said. He was on lunch duty, thank God. I didn't realize how much those kind of comments got to me. Especially after everything I've been through. I was completely numb, and almost started feeling like I was watching myself form above. That's a bad sign of an oncoming panic attack. "Principal's office, NOW! The hell is wrong with you?" He half escorted him out before he turned back to everyone else in the cafeteria. "Go back to talking to your friends and eating your food, there's nothing to see here." Everyone stared in disbelief.

_Great they're all gonna see me have a mental breakdown._

"Now! Please, students." The normal cafeteria roar erupted again as if everyone just forgot already. He walked up to me. "Come speak to me in the hall."

I followed him out.

"Are you alright Peter? Don't worry about Flash, I'm about to head down to the principal myself, but are you okay?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Flash went way too far, and that behaviors is unacceptable..." He sounded like he had some contrary point to make. "But," Yep I was right, "you have to see where he's coming from. Look Peter I get that high school is rough and that the way people see you becomes the most important thing. And believe me I've lied about a few things to impress people before. Everyone does it at some point, and I can forgive that. But I think you need to come clean before you keep digging yourself into that hole and it comes back to bite you. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Peter?"

"Yes, Mr. Harrington." 

"Good. See you at decathlon after school." He hurried toward the principal's office. I hurried to bathroom.

The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I gripped at the edge of the sink and stared into unfamiliar eyes. I felt outside of my body. I grabbed my left wrist and my nails and started digging into my skin there. My head was foggy and I felt like I'd never be able to breathe correctly again. My breaths became shallow and quick, when I pushed my way into a stall and sat down on the seat with my head in my hands. Ned came it soon and tried to help, and said MJ was waiting outside until she said "Fuck it" and came into the boys bathroom. After they had calmed me down I told them to go back to class because seventh period had started. I called May, then Happy to keep them updated. But what Mr. Harrington said stuck with me for the rest of the day.

He didn't believe me either. 

There seems to be a lot of that going around these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so thanks so much to everyone for 10,000 hits first of all, and the overwhelming support in your comments! I’d been wanting to write this for a while and didn’t have the time or motivation but it started building up in my head so much that I had to let it out and share it. I know this story is easy to find because I tagged so much stuff but this really will be a jam-packed story. I started a second story about the Sanders Sides if you’re interested, which will be part of a greater series. That story isn’t doing very well with hits because I guess it’s a less searchable story so go show it some love so far if you want to continue showing support.


End file.
